Despite the title, the inspiration for this was a simple question. A close friend of mine asked me why I chose to marry my now husband and what told me that he was the one.
At first it was a really hard question for me to form the answer to, because so much goes into the answer.
I've had plenty of relationships and fallen in love at least once before, but none of it lasted because the right pieces just weren't there. A relationship that is going to work needs a solid base, and with Russ that's what I've finally found. He was my best friend before he was my boyfriend and in that time we bonded and learned how to be brutally honest and how to laugh together and be ourselves without the stress of impressing each other. I can honestly say that I fell in love with a side of him that most people don't seem to see. I love his warmth, his loyalty, unwillingness to admit defeat and an unmatchable heart. Sometimes he comes off strange or like he don't get something, but I think part of it is because of all the things hes been through in life and how they have shaped him; he isn't the type to let every little detail of something distract him. We never had a "honeymoon" phase where everything seemed perfect, but I'm almost thankful for that because despite the grossness, his belch kisses always make me laugh. Those are just some of the things that made me fall in love with him and that make me love him so deeply, but thats not the only thing that let me know he was the one.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that for many years I've struggled with depression, anxiety, panic attacks and at one point even suicidal thoughts. I find myself unable to do a lot of things sometimes because my body and mind just wont let me without shutting down, and its torture. Those parts of me were never easy to admit to, and even today having dealt with them for so long I still have issues sharing these feelings with others. Russell deals with them like a super hero though, never once has he gotten mad or been put off by these parts that I try so hard to hide, and more than once he has made a point of telling me that all my little quirks are part of why he fell in love with me. Being friends first and dating second made it easier for me to open up about all the issues I deal with, and I think it made me more honest about them too. He has seen me have a complete melt down and shatter to pieces and he just gets me reeses and holds me until the tears stop. I know I can trust him with anything, and I know he will always be there for me, even when its inconvenient for him because he doesn't see dealing with me as a chore. At one point I thought that maybe it was short lived understanding, but now having known him since September 2010 and having lived together for almost two years there are no doubts left in my mind. We have a relationship that is so rooted in honesty that it makes me stop sometimes and wonder at how I got so lucky, and how thankful I am for the trip I took to New York that lead me down this amazing path.
Those things, those little things are what helped me see that not only do I love him, but that I could spend the rest of my life with him without a second thought.
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