"Who are you?"

I know I've written on this topic before, but I was watching a television show today, and something one of the characters said really spoke to me. When I ask most people something about themselves, the most common answers that I get revolve around work, their home life, or news and social media. Those answers are preprogrammed in a way, and I myself respond with the same type of answers no matter who is asking.

 When someone asks you to tell them about yourself, what do you say? Do your answers have substance, or are they superficial? It can be incredibly easy to only tell people the basic things, the none controversial things, and the unimportant things. What does that do for you in the end though?

Taking a long, hard, and honest look at things, I feel like I've done nothing but hurt myself and deprive myself of truly honest relationships. I found a photo from a site that I adore(Spirit Science), and I feel like it pertains to what I'm about to do.

Who am I? 

I'm unique in some ways, but not in others. I'm still becoming who I'll be later in life, and I will continue to change until I take my last breath. 

My beliefs; I try to live a very open minded life, and live by the saying "what is meant to be, will be" even though it can be hard some times. I'm not very religious in the traditional way. I don't usually pray and I have no deity that I subscribe to. I believe in fae and nature spirits. I believe in the energy and power of the universe At best I could be labeled pagan, but even that doesn't entirely fit my belief system.

My hobbies:  I'm artistic in a sense. I love all things expressive and I'm never against trying things at least once. I love taking photographs, I sketch when the whim hits me, and I've dabbled with paints and poetic outlets. I love to write, but it has to be about something I truly connect with or I'll never finish it. The one thing that comes effortlessly to me is music. I'm terrible at actually writing stuff down or finalizing cords, keys or the technical part of it. Melodies on the other hand just pop in may head, and the words to match come effortlessly. I love the feeling I get when I sing, the vibration in my chest, the complexity of playing with my range. It kills me every time I get another tonsil issue, and I'm forced to confront the thought that I may never be able to sing the same way again. 

The things I love: I love things that not only remind me that I'm alive, but also make me feel something. I like taking time to enjoy the night and its deafening buzz that slowly consumes me. Being in of near the ocean makes me feel at ease and charged, all in the same moment. Being out in nature, and walking barefoot on the cool earth helps me feel grounded, solid even. The changes in the season, the colors, the sounds and the ever changing pattern of life astonishes me. Nothing takes my troubles and fears away like dancing in the pouring rain.  I'm incredibly introverted usually and I love when I find someone that not only draws me out, but makes me comfortable. I love doing something terrifying that makes me scream, triggers my adrenaline and makes me feel exhilarated. 

 My emotions: I can be incredibly passionate, and extremely emotional. If you hurt me, I will never tell you. I want the things I do to speak volumes,  because I'm too shy to say most of the things I'd really like to. I cry very easily (every relatively sad movie I've ever seen has gotten me), I love deeply and without thinking, and I always go by my instincts. I forgive effortlessly but I never forget. I pretend to have an ego, but behind closed doors I pick myself apart. I've only ever truly felt beautiful once, and it was while I balled my eyes out and thanks to one very special girl. I have depression issues, and my anxiety can become crippling at times because its not something I can easily control. 

My relationships: I'm terrible at forming friendships, and even worse at staying in contact. If I call, message, or text you but you show a lack of interest or don't reach back out, I'll have issues trying again. I'm terrified of being alone, and I hate the silence that comes along with it. If you push me away, I wont usually fight for you, and if I do it means that you're incredibly important to me.  If you come back into my life, I'll never turn you away; even if you crushed me when you left.

My Regrets: I regret a lot of things, but nothing more than all the relationships I've let go over the years. There are times that I regret little things in the moment like saying a certain thing I don't mean to, but for the most part I'm actually okay with most other mistakes I've made throughout my life.

My goals: Going forward I want to be bolder. I want to find my voice and spend less time being predicable. I want to build the relationships that I have, and get to a point where I'm just as important to other people as they are to me. I want my passions to take me some place. I want to become more comfortable telling people about my religious standing without the fear of prosecution or rude rebuttals. I want to really push myself to stand by my convictions, be loud about it, and learn not to care what anyone else might think. Most of all, I want to keep up the level of honesty that I've managed in this post, and continue this way every day of my life.